How to Improve Your Connection When You're Really Busy
How can my wife and I maintain our busy careers and a strong partnership?
Dear Julia,
My wife and I are both busy professionals with no kids. We have been together for a long time and lately noticed how disconnected we feel from each other. We have talked about it a few times but can’t seem to put our finger on the reason for the disconnect, or how to fix it. While we both recognize that we work too much to spend enough time together, neither of us are ready to change our work lives (yet). However, we do not want to lose each other any more than we already have. How do we improve our connection without changing our working lives?
Dear Disconnected,
I’m glad to hear that you and your wife can admit that something is working, before taking the initiative to discuss the problem and try to come up with a solution.
I’m also happy to hear that you both agree that you’re not willing to give up on the relationship. It sounds like you’re in a good place to make things work, with a bit of extra information.
Since you’re looking for quick, simple ways to reignite and maintain the connection and intimacy in your partnership. here are Six Quick Ways for you to improve your connection without changing your working lives:
1) Find out what makes each other feel happy and loved, and then do that regularly. Perhaps it’s calling them/being called a pet name, receiving, or giving flowers, or showers together in the morning.
2) Tell your partner regularly what you genuinely love and appreciate about them. Appreciation is a basic human need, and it’s important for us to feel that our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, etc. find us desirable. See how you feel when you implement one or both components into your relationship.
3) What agreements would you like to have in your relationship? An agreement is a rule that you and your partner decide to follow within your relationship.
While it may not be a quick, simple way for you two to develop and maintain your connection, once you have decided on what’s important to you, sticking to the agreements should be quick and straightforward.
For example, you may want to agree on how you behave towards one another during conflict. Do you have an agreement not to yell or swear at each other?
When it comes to finances, would you like to always discuss large purchases before they are made? Maybe you would like to agree that you can fight without the fear of breaking up?
Decide as a couple what is important for you both, agree on it, and stick to it. You should then notice feeling more trust, security, and commitment in your partnership.
4) If physical touch appeals, you could use handholding, eye contact, hugs, and kisses to increase intimacy and bonding. You could try implementing more physical touch into your everyday lives. For example, if you currently have a ritual of discussing your day over dinner, perhaps shift this to the couch for a few minutes after you're done, and cuddle while you’re talking.
5) If you make gentle eye contact with your partner while they come to you for advice while holding their hand, they are likely to feel more supported.
6) A verbal greeting and a long hug when each of you gets home from work at the end of the day can also go a long way.
There you have it, six simple, healthy ways to develop more connection in your relationship.
If you would like to explore some further reading, you can check out the following posts:
What To Do When He’s Not Calling
What To Do When You Feel Ignored In Your Relationship
P.S. Did you enjoy this blog? Would you like to have more Simple, Healthy Love in your life? I post new answers to reader questions each Saturday at Noon EST & have a list of all the books I recommend as a trauma therapist and relationship blogger HERE.